The Trap

By: Teresa Smith

You never see it coming, how can you for it is always within, lying in wait for a chance to escape during your weakest moment. Catching you off guard, it is no stranger, it has been here with you before. Don't act so surprised for you are old friends.

Many times you have extended the invitation deeming yourself to be the stronger one. But it doesn't defeat you with strength, it wears on your soul little by little, without the slightest implication it is even there.

How did it happen you ask? Where did you go wrong? Was it the stolen glance upon some beauty that lingered longer than it should? Or was it that flirtatious smile that opened the door a little wider than was necessary? Oh, it couldn't have been that innocent brush of a hand upon flesh that seared like fire, clouding your vision and confusing your mind. Then you hear the words that are clear but unspoken, "It's okay, look at all you've been through." "You deserve this, go ahead, just a taste, it won't hurt anything, you know it will make you feel better about yourself." "Don't worry, you are in control." "It is only natural these desires, after all, if the others had treated you like they should you wouldn't be here now." "Yes, that's right, it's all their fault, not yours, you deserve to be happy. You have nothing to be ashamed of ."

So you are justified by this old friend, and the look turns into a smile and the smile turns into the touch and before you know it the conversation is flowing smoothly: "Oh yes, I love that place too, I go there often." "Tonight?" "Well I don't know, I guess there wouldn't be any harm it in, sure I'll see you there."

Now it has you, and the drink becomes two and the conversation grows more intimate, "Has anyone told you what beautiful eyes you have" "Oh, why thank you!" "Do you always smell so nice? Is your skin always this soft?" "Oh, excuse me, I didn't mean to embarrass you?" Laughing, getting closer, becoming more familiar, oh it feels so right, it has been too long, and then before you now it, GOTCHA! You have fallen, back into the pit of desire just like it planned.

So the desire turns into sin and sin turns into guilt, the monster that steals time from your family and creates stress as you try to recall all the lies for that one stolen moment. Lost in your betrayal you begin to sense it again, that bittersweet aftertaste that lingers as you hide your face in shame, defeated by your own lust, AGAIN.

Where does it all end? Life's momentary pleasure becomes your eternal prison and your heart cries out "Oh God, help me, forgive me, love me, just one more time, one more time, one more time.